So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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