Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
