I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize