I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
