Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize