My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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