she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
