The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize