There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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