My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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