she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
