Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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