We won't sleep together?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize