i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
What drink are we having for lunch?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
