Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
