im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
