i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize