I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I am mentally ready for anal.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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