WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Randomize
