I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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