haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
