Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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