some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize