She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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