:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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