dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
