it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize