So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
