I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
