Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
