I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
