im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
