we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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