it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
