yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
