You're my little dorito
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
