I seem to have left my pride at pride
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
