awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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