I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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