I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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