So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
