Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
