I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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