and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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