I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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