someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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