its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
