She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize