Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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