I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize