Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I want to have your abortion
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
They have beer where we have blood.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
