Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
