I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize