She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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