That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
