last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
