I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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