3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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