i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
This toilet bowl is my home.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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