im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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