New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize