TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize