My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
