Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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