We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
