At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
