I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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