So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
