An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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