We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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